I was having a thoughtful beer with a friend over the weekend, and we were both lamenting life’s shifting goalposts and ever-accelerating time. We both acknowledged that we would have never dreamt of being where we are today, yet we simply didn’t feel that quiet satisfaction with the milestones reached.
A closer examination reveals a recurring “bait and switch” we play on ourselves. It involves misinterpreted needs, hidden costs, and shifting goalposts.
Confusing wants and needs is an all-time classic. We think we want recognition, but what we crave is connection. We believe we want wealth, but what we’re searching for is freedom. Chris Williamson had a great take: “We want to have completed a marathon, not run one.”
What we chase comes with a price tag we rarely consider — a daily rent payment, not a one-off lump sum. The commanding heights of success mean you have to run harder every day, while quality relationships require daily “attention bids” from those who care the most.
Finally, there’s the cruellest property of the life treadmill: hedonic adaptation. No victory fully satisfies. When asked how much money was enough, Rockefeller famously replied: “Just a little bit more.”
Your brain transforms “dream come true” into “bare minimum” with startling efficiency. We’re hamsters on designer wheels. The real question isn’t what you want — it’s what you want to want.
A way to get some clarity
- Write out your top three wants
- Speculate on the hidden costs of achieving those wants
- How will you recognise enoughness? Look up Joseph Heller’s take.
Choose carefully.
